Monday, July 30, 2012

Higher Ground

A white pigeon has taken to roosting on our patio. Every night before I go to bed I look to see if she is there, and she is. I saw her flying about here and there for weeks before she showed up on my patio a month ago. And I always noticed her because she is different, a loner. This shockingly white bird has become my angel, my protector, my friend.

I could say that it is just chance that she chose our patio, but then I would not be owning what I know. We're safe. This little bird was probably someone's pet and so she has no flock of her own. And when you fly alone, having a safe place to come home to at night is precious. And our patio is safe. We consider her a very special guest and try not to disturb her peace.

Photo by Kathleen Keagy
It is no small thing to find people who love you for who you are and who continue to believe in you no matter how the journey takes you off-course. Or as the case is with me, no matter how the journey makes you hide yourself away because you're just not ready--you just haven't gathered all the tools you need to be safe as yourself in the world. Because knowing who you are and being who you are in a public way are two entirely different things.

Deep down I have had this horrible fear that I will lose my home, lose my safety and find myself utterly alone if I become who I am in a public way. It's a crisis of faith that I have to own so that I can cross the threshold of my cage door and never go back. For you see, the door to my cage has been open for some time. I venture out on a regular basis, but I keep coming home to roost inside the cage at the end of the day just to make sure it doesn't go away.

The next step of the journey is about redefining safety. To do that I will have to fly to higher ground. The only way to leave the familiarity of the cage behind is to fly high enough to see all the other birds like me and gather with them in a flock. Won't a flock impinge on my independence? No, not if it is a flock of birds who can support each other in authenticity, even when that authenticity requires choices that go against logic, that are painful and that set them apart.

So, little bird, you may stay as long as you like. I have decided to create a business, a flock, for people like me. It's called PrimeImpulse and it's a home for bold creatives and brave healers. And I think you would fit right in.